I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
