I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
