nut hugger
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
