a search helicopter?!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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