My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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