so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
