So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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