What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
