i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't deserve a penis
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
