Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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