can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
