found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she peed on how many people?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
