he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
