Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
