Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
