she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
