listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
