just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
