He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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