I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
