I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
