one two three fourrrrnication!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
