taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.