Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
