i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
