Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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