I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am available for nakedness
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
