how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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