He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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