drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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