There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
