Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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