thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
