thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
