I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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