he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
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