I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
