Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
