i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
