The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
