when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
