look no pants
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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