oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
