Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
