When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
