Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
