Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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