So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
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Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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