2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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