if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
