Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
