I will die if light touches me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
