My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
