she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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