I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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