My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
