were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
