Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
