non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
