I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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