My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
