no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
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Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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