I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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