So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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