I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
